Get a new job.

Listen, there are tons of blogs and articles out there with clickbaity titles promising you “Ten easy steps to survive a workaholic boss!” But I’m here to tell you that they’re all bullshit. You’re options are to: A) Get a new job at different company, or, B) Get a new job at the same company.

The point of this post isn’t to give you coping strategies, it’s to reassure you of what you already suspect – that old chestnut told to the family and friends of addicts is true. You can’t change other people. When those people are in charge of your career, it’s time to jump ship (or at least transfer to a different part of the crew).

Here are some assumptions: You, like me, are decidedly not a workaholic. If you are, you wouldn’t give a single shit about this advice, and probably curse those of us who do as “weak” or somehow less dedicated than you are. Of course you are correct. Workaholics are the best employees and managers. Please move on.

Now that we can speak freely, you may be wondering why my advice in this area is so black and white, when I’m normally a guy who sees things in many shades and colors. The short answer is that my opinion is borne of experience, having been supervised by workaholics many times in the past. I want to explain why I feel so strongly about this.

First, let’s talk about what a workaholic boss is. Not textbook definitions or anything, forget the psychology for now. Here are some signs that your manager lives, eats, and shits work, and expects you to do the same:

• Messages/calls at all hours of the day and night
• Does not respect weekends or planned vacations
• Views a regular workday as the bare minimum
• Every unit of work constitutes an emergency
• Consistently underestimates work and over-commits their team
• Lack of respect for personal space
• Disparages employees who can’t do unplanned weekend work due to previous plans

If you’ve found yourself nodding, or having flashbacks, while reading this list, then you know who you work for. I won’t go into detailed explanations of each bullet. If you read and feel it, then you know what I’m talking about.

Not every workaholic is a dickhead or a soulless monster. In fact, some of the worst offenders can be very personable. In a way, this is even more dangerous, as you find your life slowly being consumed by your employer. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but hear me out for a minute.

Stop what you’re doing and take three deep breaths. Look around you and acknowledge a simple fact. You will never get this moment back. Time, once past, does not come again. You will never be as young as you are in this moment. Many of us in this field are young, or young-ish. I am middle-aged (shudder) and I can tell you for a fact that each year will fly by faster than the one before it. My friends have been dying off since I was a teenager, as have my family. You will never get this time back. You will never get your loved ones back once they are gone.

Don’t waste your precious fucking life on a goddamned job.

The company you work for does not care about you. They don’t. The larger the company, the truer this statement is. If you work for a small, ten-person startup, you and your team may genuinely care about each other. But as your company grows, new leadership will come, and they will not care. If you work for a mid-sized company with great benefits and an awesome culture, have no doubt that as the company expands, those benefits will get whittled away as the board of directors nickel and dime their way to a better share price. I don’t care where you work. You are an asset. You are a number. Treat your employment like the business arrangement it is. You employer sure as hell will.

Your boss is a workaholic for reasons known only to them. You won’t change their mind. Any advice you find on this subject will be more geared toward how you can better deal with them. Sure, if you’re stuck where you are for whatever reason, then coping is your best shot. If you’re not glued to your chair? GTFO. What I found is that we, the employees of workaholics, get caught in a sunk-cost fallacy of sorts. We’ve put so much work into the product and spent so much time with our team, that even though we grumble about getting our resumes ready when we’re sucked into (yet another) death march to meet an impossible deadline, we still don’t leave. Why?

We care about our work. We don’t want to be seen as disloyal. That’s what it usually boils down to.

You can take pride in your work, go above and beyond, and do right by your team without becoming an automaton. You can do all of these things and still get off of work at a decent time and enjoy your weekends, even planning a vacation every now and again. You can. The curse of being employed by a workaholic is that these goals are made to seem mutually exclusive. In fact, I would argue that a person who you are paying to think (an engineer) is better suited to their job when well-rested and emotionally stable.

Your job is not your life. Nor should it be. Do your best. Be proud of what you produce. But, don’t waste your precious fucking life on a goddamned job.